I like music, but I won't listen to that.
I play guitar, write songs, listen to music. As a result the current vacuum of musical talent that exists on music video shows and radio stations does puzzle me.
With few exceptions (Foo Fighters, god bless their foo-fighting ability) mainstream music is overproduced shit. To counter this, alternative music has underproduced, 70's throwback shit.
Some questions that need answering are these;
- Who is buying this crap?
According to the recording industry, no-one. Record sales are down, mp3's aren't to blame, and only impressionable kiddies worried about looking coool are buying at ever lower numbers.
- Why is Avril Lavigne (or insert pop artist name here) so popular?
It is termed marketing. Idiots will buy whatever is played often enough on the radio and TV. Make the "singer/artist" look cool enough (i.e. enough bling, enough semi-naked girls, expensive cars, and that MTV video 'look') and idiots will part with their money.
- Why don't they find talented musicians and artists?
Because talented musicians don't want to be told what to do by some pencil neck who doesn't know anything about the creative endevour or the emotional connection to the song/lyrics, or what a key change is. They won't put up with an A&R guy or a record company producer telling them to change a vocal or riff to make a song more marketable.
Even idiots with a chip on their shoudler are occasionally right. Artists get a shit deal unless they are smart about things. So if you get screwed hard enough you disappear, allow yourself to get screwed continuously and you'll disappear up your own arse, don't take the occasional banging and you'll never get a record deal. Makes it hard for a decent musician to get started, let alone to produce some quality work that will push the mainstream to listen to real music.
This is what is wrong!
This white trash talentless tramp is what's wrong. I was granted an interview with Ms Steffani to enlighten us on what she thinks of the music industry.
DT: Gwen, you are a talentless pop "singer" who has been given a solo career after mediocre success as a front-person for a borish band. How did you pull this off?
GS: Well its bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s. I mean, I've got my million dollar contract, and a permanent make-up artist, oh and teenage asian groupies that follow me everywhere, so maybe they know.
Goupies: Gwen our baby. She tha bomb, dawg!
DT: Yes, quite. So basically you look good in makeup in videos, and your record label pumps your music over the air waves incessantly.
GS: What that word mean? But shit, yeah, I look hot, and my music is everywhere. I'm so lucky, you know, to have so many fans.
DT: Actually according to figures you haven't sold many albums for a number one artist. As for looking good, your hair is fake, your make-up is 20% of your body weight, you look tall because you make a rake look thick, and even with a padded bra you look flat.
Would you have made it to where you are today without alot of sexual favours?
GS: I'd like to think so! But everyone else does it so I have to too!
DT: By everyone else you mean Britney, Christina, Avril, 50?
GS: Yeah! 50 loves it man. You can't keep him from bending over. And the chicks, man, you know they all be white trash. Just look at their vids, not classy like mine.
DT: Gwen I'd like to thank you but I won't. You are the slime that perpetuates the banality of musical mediocrity in the corporatised mainstream that leaches the very soul of music out of the entire industry.
GW: Thanks for having me.
DT: Your pants are on the floor over there.
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